Make no mistake about it, we have all had someone get angry at us and we wondered, what in the world is going on. Unfortunately at the time we did not understand someone else directing their anger at us had nothing to do with us.
What do you mean by the statement, the person directing their anger at us had nothing to do with us? What a good question and I will explain what I mean by the person directing their anger at you has nothing to do with you.
Keep in mind that whenever you get angry it is the result of the inability to manage the change and or misunderstanding of a condition that is before you, likewise for someone that gets angry with you. Case in point, I recently received a couple of emails from two colleagues and one of them made a suggestion about incorporating a change to their committee to assist our organization during meetings.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with making the suggestions and it was simply a matter of vetting it through other members of the organization. Unfortunately another member of our organization took exception to the recommendation and wrote a response e-mail attacking the individual that made the suggestion.
In the end, the individual that made the recommendation stated to their colleagues that they do not like each other and there is no sense in pretending and in the future, they will attend the meetings but will not have anything to say to the other person. Be mindful I am writing about two adults who happen to be parents of elementary school children.
Let us revisit my earlier statement about when someone gets angry at you do not take it personal. The fact of the matter is, just because a person makes a recommendation in their efforts to improve a situation, does not merit someone blatantly criticizing them and getting angry.
Some people reading this article will understand the individual that criticized the individual that made a recommendation has an ax to grind with their colleague. After reading the comments made by both individuals, I came to the conclusion that I needed to understand why something so simple escalated to a level of requesting to meet someone to discuss it in person with overtones of having a physical confrontation.
The individual that blatantly disrespected their colleagues recommendation had confrontations with other members of our organization and obviously has some personal issues that are more than at the surface level. I received a call from the individual who directed her anger at the recommending colleague and initially she stated she was sorry for getting to the level of wanting a face to face meeting with the other individual.
The next day, I contacted my colleague who made the recommendation to get her position on what happened. She stated anytime she recommends something it is never considered and our colleague is always trying to control things within the organization. I do not agree with her opinion, however we are all entitled to express it, but can agree to disagree.
After reading this article on anger management, it is my hope that you provide a comment to provide your assessment because what you are about to read will blow your mind. After talking to both individuals about what happened they blamed me for the e-mail argument. Let me repeat what I wrote once again, both parties to the e-mail rants blamed me for it.
First of all, I did not take their accusations personal because it had nothing to do with me. You see, toxic people are all around us and it takes a situation like the one I explained above to put it in its proper perspective. Why? I did not know what either individuals had written to one another, in fact had I not received a phone call from the colleague that wanted the face to face meeting I would not have known about the issue.
The bottom line is two adults disagreed about a recommendation that should have been given more consideration and vetted through other members of our organization. Instead one member of the organization who has a track record for creating confrontation chose to escalate the situation and take a personal shot at a colleague and was disingenuous when apologizing about meeting their colleague to possibly have a physical altercation.
In the end two adult individuals blamed me for their inability to compromise, agree to disagree and willingness to have respect for one another. I lead the organization, however we are all volunteers and as many of you know, it is about the greater good, accomplishing the mission we were all voted to do and not engage in petty slights, digs, and disrespect of a colleague.
In my leadership role, I recommended both individuals meet with me, however they both refuse to do so. What does this tell you? What it tells you is both colleagues understand in hindsight that they were wrong, but are not willing to admit it and they also know just how petty this entire situation really is.
My recommendation is for both parties attend an anger management program. Toxic people are the last to know how volatile they really are.
As stated before, provide your comment and let me know if you have ever been a party to something I just described. Adults must be more respectful of themselves, it opens the door for them respectful to others.
Paul Lawrence Vann is an inspirational speaker, author and certified professional coach. He leads Wealth Building Academy, LLC a professional speaking business with diverse clients; Fortune 500 companies, associations, government agencies, nonprofits, military and government agencies.
From Paul Lawrence Vann - committed to you being inspired, motivated and empowered.
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