Some people think that when they become angry they are in control of a situation; they are showing others what can happen, what they are capable of if they feel upset or disrespected. But anger is the very opposite of being in control. If the other person stays calm and clear-headed they remain in a position to pull the strings and have the power in an altercation. Conversely, others may become mute, fearful or retreat from having any meaningful interactions with an angry person.
Let's look at the most effective ways to keep control and remain the boss of your anger:
- Have therapy to recognise and deal with the underlying issues. Some people recognise that their behaviour becomes childlike when they are distressed or feel too vulnerable. They are aware that they revert to throwing a tantrum, become sulky or angry but feel unable to react more appropriately at the time. Hypnotherapy and counselling are valuable ways of healing those early underlying issues and enabling more effective, constructive behaviour to occur.
- Learn to recognise your personal warning signs, the amber lights when there is a change in your temperament from everything being fine. Do you feel your smile freeze, your sense of humour become a little more tense, your body stiffen? What are your warning signals that your mood is changing, or, if there is no prior warning, train yourself to afterwards reflect on what happened just before the situation escalated that resulted in you feeling trapped, vulnerable, inflamed.
- Is it appropriate to resort to anger on this occasion? If you are in an intimidating or frightening situation decide if anger is the most effective response or will it simply inflame the situation and make it worse? There maybe times when you feel that anger is a reasonable option, but if it enrages everyone it may result in prolonging the situation and maybe even escalate it.
- Decide what you want as an outcome of a discussion or interaction and work towards that goal. Staying calm and remaining in control allows you to retain a better awareness of what is going. Once anger erupts many people find that they lose the ability to think clearly. The rising emotions often cause people to become more reactive. The person who remains calm has the most control.
- Enlist the help of friends or loved ones by explaining what the triggers are that cause you to lose control and become angry. Maybe agree a system which provides an opportunity for you to take a break and cool off if you feel yourself starting to see red. Some people use an innocuous code word which can be said to call a time out and provide a break before harmful things are said. It allows time to calm down and can enable communications to progress in a more respectful way. Other people are understanding, especially when they see that someone is trying to address their problem.
Finding ways to manage your anger and utilise constructive ways to keep control of your moods, words and actions help you to gradually become more insightful and positive about the way you behave. These techniques gradually become more natural, you become less stressed and a better quality of life for all occurs.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net/
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