One topic that is discussed more often than others in my anger management class is triggers. I am consistently teaching that being aware of your triggers is the first step to anger management. We usually discuss three areas in which triggers mainly exist: physical, feelings and thoughts. It is these areas we identify triggers and I cannot stress enough how important it is to be aware of your triggers, not just cognitively aware, but begin getting to know yourself as it relates to anger and everything that surrounds it.
Paying attention to our state of mind (thoughts and feelings) throughout the day is a helpful anger management technique. By becoming more aware of our thoughts and emotions we learn to understand the patterns and energies that feed into our anger. Another useful time to do this is at two major transitions of our day: right after waking up and just before going to sleep. I give my students this tool to help become more aware.
When we wake up, we start our day, and how you begin sets the tone for the rest of your day. Before going to sleep is the end of your day so you can get an overall sense of how things went. Also, going to sleep is the beginning of your night's sleep, so how you make that transition will shape how your sleep goes.
When you first wake up in the morning, notice what you are experiencing. What are your very first thoughts and feelings of the day? If you can't identify anything or you can't bring it into focus, lay there for a moment until you can identify something (feelings, thoughts, mood, etc) and write it down. You don't need to be fancy with the writing. There's nothing to analyze or figure out, just pure observation. "I don't want to wake up; my life is too painful. I feel fantastic, and can't wait to get up and enjoy my day! I feel terrible. I feel so exhausted. My body aches, and I hate my life. I feel grateful just to be alive. I can't wait to get a cup of coffee. I feel completely terrified to face this day..." Whatever it is, notice as clearly and non-judgmentally as you can.
Then, do the same thing at night, just before you go to sleep. Notice your current thoughts and feelings and reflect on the day. For example; "I feel tired. I feel horrible. I feel so bad about getting pissed off at work today. I am so pleased about the way that meeting went this afternoon. I hate myself for yelling at my wife this morning. I feel numb, and I don't have any thoughts, it's all just sort of a haze. I had an amazing and great day today. I am exhausted and I really don't want to do this stupid exercise, I just want to go to sleep." Keep it simple, write it down, and let it go.
Doing this exercise will help you become more aware of what triggers your anger and help explain your mood throughout the day. When you find yourself getting angry, allow yourself time to think things through and ask yourself, "What is causing my anger at this moment?" "What is really going on with my thoughts and feelings?" Developing this awareness helps gain insight into ourselves and what triggers our anger. When we do this, we then allow ourselves more freedom to deal with our anger in more appropriate ways.
Daybreak Counseling Service
Shannon Munford M.S.
http://www.daybreakservices.com/
http://twitter.com/angryinla
855-662-6437
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