What is your immediate bodily response to even reading the word 'anger'?
Your thoughts and feelings about it stem from your own personal experiences of anger, plus what you have heard or read about it too.
We see anger exist in a wide spectrum of behaviors, from an irritated person's foot/finger-tapping - right through to violent and destructive rage where people and/or property gets damaged.
We see television coverage of civil unrest and violent struggles for democracy; the outrage at exploitation of the vulnerable - children, the elderly, the sick, and animals; the threat to our livelihoods caused by Government changes in policy - which we then also feel impotent to effectively challenge, and this fuels our anger even further.
We can become 'de-sensitised' to all of the anger we witness - but we are still emotionally and psychologically affected by it. Perhaps it triggers memories of an angry household that we grew up in, or what we experienced of anger in school; or of a 'rage' incident we have been a part of; or of gang violence; or the violent public disorders seen over the decades of our lives.
We may have been 'conditioned' in childhood not to allow ourselves to feel, let alone to express, anger. Instead it festers within us affecting our physical and emotional/psychological health. We may have had to develop a 'mask' to wear - instead of being authentic and showing our real emotions. Alternatively we may have learned to scare people with our anger - to get out own way.
Anger CAN be a good thing! It can energise up to protect our personal and family boundaries, to keep ourself, and those we care about, safe from harm. It can give us the courage to challenge threats to our integrity and well-being. In this respect anger is a helpful emotion.
Anger can also cover and hide deeper sadness, sorrow and despair that we won't allow ourself to feel, because we fear it will be too overwhelming. Instead we show the world our angry and aggressive self who's deeper purpose is to protect our own vulnerability from further pain.
Some people will evoke and invite an angry response from others - and then 'pretend' that they have no idea why people react to them with hostility. These are the people that are always late; forgetful; play the 'victim that no-one can rescue'; create disharmony with their malicious gossip etc. They create anger around them but don't accept responsibility for doing so.
If we are afraid or ashamed of our own anger we will probably stuff it down or 'divert' or 'displace' it into certain behaviors. These behaviors can range from some forms of self-harm to lashing out at inanimate objects. If we don't learn how to express our anger in a healthy way we store it up and it can instead flood out as if a dam has burst - usually in a situation that doesn't warrant anything like the level of anger we are showing.
When we are angry, or furious, we cannot think clearly, we cannot express ourself clearly or effectively - we will probably be shouting as an attempt to gain the upper-hand; and we look aggressive and threatening to others - which in turn activates something in them - based upon their own history and relationship with anger, and what it has led to in their own past.
We often 're-play' in our mind angry scenarios and think about what we wished we'd said and done - which can then further increase feelings of frustration and disappointment in ourselves.
A healthier scenario is to develop the calm assertive language of the Sensible Adult in you - and express your level of anger at the right person, in the right way and at the right time.
We need to learn how to understand and control our emotions, and then to choose to respond to a situation assertively rather than just emotionally reacting to things around us like an angry child would.
Bear in mind that every thought you have affects every cell in your body - and that we can become 'addicted' to the frequent cascade of chemicals within our bodies which result from our frequent thoughts, and the situations we attract to ourselves. A negative loop begins - made worse by the 'negative filter' we then create which ensures that we then perceive new events with the contamination of our old experiences. We all literally 'project' our meaning onto an event or person and react/behave 'as-if' it were the truth! Self-fulfilling prophesies do exist!
Our emotions affect those around us and in turn we are affected by those people that we are around - it's called Emotional Contagion. You have to decide who you want to spend time with and the extent to which they enhance your sense of well-being - or not.
Psycho-emotional education can help you to understand and change to your Anger, and the part it plays in your life. Brainwave entrainment and sub-conscious belief re-programming can also help with the problem of Anger.
Maxine Harley founder of 'The Ripple Effect' Process (12 Psycho-emotional Educational groups) see http://www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk/ and http://www.qpp.uk.com/
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