How Your Emotions Reflect Your World

We don't have to look far to come home to our narcissistic selves. If we see life full of suffering we may be undergoing a lamentable transformation. If there's anger, just now, for the injustice 'surely anyone can see!' then there's probably an unreconciled frustration, and a block to our feelings deep down, within. If we're unstimulated regarding what we see in our world there may be little feeling going on closer to home.

Proof of this truism is cited in the following two quotes:

A person sees in the world what they carry in their heart.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(Adapted for gender inclusivity)

Just as water reflects the face,
so one human heart reflects another.
~Proverbs 27:19 (NRSV)


We're in a good position to self-diagnose if only we can be honest about ourselves, with ourselves. This sort of psychology is not rocket science.

We may open the way to greater happiness simply by negotiating these fundamental truths - for instance, if we're angry, why? A person battling with anger within will generally find themselves angry without; everyone else will know about it. The road-rager is taking out on the world - that innocent driver before them - what's unreconciled within them. There's no point in being ashamed of our anger or its consequences (though we're sure to be, because we've lacked the self-control we all want to be known for). Being ashamed isn't going to resolve our inability to manage our anger. Only by exploring the emotional source of the anger - the 'why' - will we be able to reconcile the vehement energy bubbling away just beneath the surface.

It's the same with our sadness, guilt, grief, and sense of abandonment. Resolving them any way we can - and there's always a way - is the only thing making any sense.

The presence of anything negative in the emotional setting is a critical clue to the climate deep beneath, possibly even unconscious to us. Our emotions, therefore, become important reflectors of how we're really going in life.


Sometimes all we have is what we can observe; the way people are treating us, how our interactions are going, and how we're feeling, truthfully, within.

Reflection should be an activity we can do at ease with ourselves, without pressure to think or act a certain way. It's important when dealing with our perceptions - our view of the world that's never 100% correct-that we weigh possibility as more pertinent than fact. It's possible that we're this way or that way; it's possible that another person is this way or that way. These are just possibilities, not facts.

But possibilities are things we can work from. They get us to pause and think. The mere presentation of emotions, in us or in others as they relate to us, can indicate something we ought to know about - something we can do something about.


How we feel about our world reflects how we feel within about ourselves. The emotions are an important indicator. Living happier requires exploring these emotions; it's asking why. There's nothing to fear in exploring the emotions. A more controlled life stands to be gained.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: and

Original article

Moderating An Implosion

Storm clouds roll menacingly by and rumble with clairvoyant ferocity. Darkened is the horizon, with redoubled potential. A clap of thunder as the lightning peels the darkness away in milliseconds of fearsome white light before the gloom returns. The climate of the soul is dark, just now, a time devoid of reason.

Descriptions of climatic conditions correspond well as comparisons for the moods that swing in and over the top of us. Just like the weather cannot be controlled, so, at times, we find control beyond us. We're windswept with imbalance, whether by excess or vanquished emotion.


How do we do it? How do we make sense of such aggregated loneliness of soul?

Sometimes there is no way, but even within a murderous moment we can find reason for logic if only we
have a semblance of thought for surrender.

Dealing with anger is about wrestling with the inner idea that has us estranged to sense. Just what has happened, deeper down, to cause this reaction - to fuel this storm front of visceral rage?

It may be many things, or just one thing, though it's possibly things far beneath our consciousness. Our conscious thought is bombarded by things in the here-and-now, but it's the unreconciled unconscious world that's the real threat.

The mere fact of the enquiry, the time taken to implicate possibility of unconscious awareness, helps us make space so we don't respond in anger. The storm that actually spills, the one that strikes and damages infrastructure, is the one designing for itself its own consequences. Storms like this are not easily lived down.


There may be no one single way to stem the unabridged rage of the violent offender, or that offender within us, but it must certainly be aided by taking a step back and making a firm enquiry of the unconscious mind.

What could be there? Such unconscious thoughts - an entire world of them - exist.

In the mode and disposition of imploding, right in the midst of it, we still have the capacity to arrest the spilling stream of words and actions that may prove the end of us. It's still not too late. If we can be mindful in the moment, knowing that surrender is the best way, we can turn our anger into tears of inadequacy, or a heartfelt confession. Better a moment of embarrassed lack than a lifetime of regret.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: and

Original article

Does Someone in Your Family Have an Irate Temper?

Have you ever noticed the amount of time it takes to subdue someone's temper, especially a child's? If it takes you more than 15 seconds, that's the time you have to take three deep breaths and turn the situation around, or it is going to escalate into painful exchanges and sometimes violent behavior. The most practical and effective intervention is to say your child's name, and then acknowledge that they are upset. Listen with your whole heart and both ears and both eyes! Help your child to communicate their feelings and their needs. This is a great practice for getting down to the 'nitty-gritty' of your own feelings and needs, as well as creating peaceful resolution in the household. Saying reactive remarks like, "No! Stop crying! Big boys don't cry! I'll fix it!" is sometimes more harmful in the long run. Communicating in a nonjudgmental way opens the door for true, heartfelt communication between parent and child. It creates a connection of trust and authenticity which keeps everyone present in the moment. These are principles of non-violent communication which when practiced provide real and lasting behavior changes.

A simple example might be this: When you see Jason getting ready to stick a screwdriver into an electric socket. In your panic, your first impulse is to jerk him up by the arm and scream, "No! Stop! Don't do that!" Instead, choose the following approach: Rush over and sweep him up in your arms and say, "Jason, I have a real concern for your safety! Do you want to tell me what you were doing?" And you discover he was just curious. Instead of shutting down his curiosity with a jerk and a scary scolding, ask him if he would like to learn how to build with the Erector Set. Maybe you could build a space station together. It's a way to avert catastrophe and connect the two of you with true feelings and meaningful solutions with lasting behavior changes.

If you are dealing with a complete "melt-down", which means you have missed that 15 second window to shift the upset into neutral, this is what happens to many individuals: The adrenals produce excess adrenaline and cortisol, not to mention a relatively unknown neurotoxin called adrenal lutein. Adrenal lutein kicks into the liver creating another neurotoxin called 5-Hydroxy Kryptopyrrole (causing a stomach ache) which delivers to the thyroid (producing a burning throat or throat ache) and then to the brain (creating a headache). This all happens in about 15 seconds! Research indicates that it takes at least 8 to 24 hours for the body to neutralize these harmful self-made toxins. According to psychiatrist Dr. Richard Kraus who researched prison populations with violent behavior, it is important to understand the link between nutritional deficiencies, mood and brain function. Many of the symptoms of emotional volatility have been linked to deficiencies in certain B vitamins and minerals, especially zinc. Dr. Kraus recommends: A daily minimum of 100 milligrams of B6, daily, 400 mcg of folinate (the active form of folic acid) and at least 50 mcg of B12 with a multivitamin/mineral supplement to inhibit the above symptoms.

Also, a new biologically activated form of zinc when coupled with Neurofeedback, or EEG Biofeedback training has demonstrated a calming effect on hyperactive individuals with a reported reduction in headaches and stomach aches in a matter of 72 hours.

Georgia K. Connor, MA, PhD, is a Neuroscientist & Learning Consultant, Certified in Clinical Neurofeedback
NRNP # 22703; She holds seven other Certifications including Advanced Biofeedback, Hypnotherapy, Mediation through the Los Angeles Country Bar Association and Five Point Healing Prayer Meditation. Georgia specializes in helping individuals who require brain rehabilitation and their families. Her areas of expertise are as follows: AD/HD (attention deficit disorder, with/without hyperactivity); Asperger's Syndrome, anger management; cognitive behavior; creative visualizations; depression/anxiety; closed head injury & stroke; memory enhancement; sensory integration practices for awakening the brain for learning; non-violent communication skills.Georgia also enjoys teaching on the neuro-plasticity of the brain to individual therapists and groups upon request.

For more information please visit:

E mail: or call 805.370.5388

Original article