Are you always aware of what you present to others? Do you have a particular expectation when you protest or are you open to any outcome?
I recently had an experience where I complained and it was not received very well at all and in turn, the consequence was even worse.
Do you know how you feel when you are ready to purchase something that you have been wanting but you find a better price, a quicker deal or immediate delivery, so you choose something close to what you wanted even though it's not quite the same? Now suppose it's something that is very expensive (let's use a car for example) and you purchase a different kind because you could get it or half the price. It's not like you can get another one later. You saved a lot of money, but since you spent half of it on the first car, you don't have enough to purchase the one you originally wanted.
Basically, you're stuck with the car you bought. You decide you can live with it for the tradeoff you made. After the transaction is final, you begin to think about all the years you've been working and saving up to purchase that particular dream car you had in mind and now it doesn't look like you're going to get it anytime soon, if in this lifetime at all. You start to regret your decision. You may even become angry. What do you do?
Do you blame the salesperson for talking you into it?
Do you blame your job for not paying you enough money that you had to resort to buying something at half the price?
Do you blame your situation that you needed the car immediately so you chose one you could take home the same day instead of holding out for the one you really wanted?
Do you feel victimized by the bum deal you made on the car? Talked into it? Taken advantage of?
Do you replay the scenario complaining to the dealer and not getting anywhere over and over again in your mind?
Do you toss and turn so many times that you are fully aware that you are not going to be able to go back to sleep?
Does that make you feel helpless? You replay in your mind what you are going to do about it, yet you fear it's not going to do any good and you are still going to come out of it disappointed.
Do you get angrier? Are you so attached to your anger that you hang onto it for an unreasonable amount of time?
Compare this to the mother who agreed to granting temporary custody of your children to the father under mutual consent just to have it used against you later in court? The emotions would be much the same.
In my recent acquisition I could have work done to make my purchase functional that was included in the price. Although, the outcome was far from my original expectation to which I was attached.
After three weeks of agonizing and feeling sorry for myself, I realized the outcome was going to remain the same until I made some changes. I also realized that even though the purchase was less than satisfactory, I was angry because I felt helpless and victimized. I accepted the transaction and I chose the attitude afterward before I confronted the business.
I would like to share my lessons with you.
We create our own anger with our attitude about our thoughts.
We get nowhere fast by complaining with a critical and angry attitude.
The reason for our anger is deeper than what we are complaining about.
When we understand our helplessness is a state of mind, we take our power back.
We attract what we think about.
When we look at what we have as opposed to what we lack, we see an entirely different picture.
When we understand we received exactly what we asked for, we can appreciate what we have.
When we take responsibility for our decisions it's difficult to become angry at others.
I found peace with my decision and accept it as mine. Given this change in my attitude, I found peace rather than anger. I have since been able to conceive alternative options to consider. Maybe you can too.
Peace and Joy,
Mary
Mary's 20 years of experience in dealing with trauma dedicated her to become one of the leading experts in transforming pain to pleasure in women's lives. Mary is a loving mom and after the loss of custody of her own children, has created a company that stands as the voice for mothers who have lost custody of their children. Grab a copy of her free eBook, "8 Critical Steps to Transforming Your Life after Losing Custody!" at my website: http://marydirksen.com/
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