Have you ever noticed the amount of time it takes to subdue someone's temper, especially a child's? If it takes you more than 15 seconds, that's the time you have to take three deep breaths and turn the situation around, or it is going to escalate into painful exchanges and sometimes violent behavior. The most practical and effective intervention is to say your child's name, and then acknowledge that they are upset. Listen with your whole heart and both ears and both eyes! Help your child to communicate their feelings and their needs. This is a great practice for getting down to the 'nitty-gritty' of your own feelings and needs, as well as creating peaceful resolution in the household. Saying reactive remarks like, "No! Stop crying! Big boys don't cry! I'll fix it!" is sometimes more harmful in the long run. Communicating in a nonjudgmental way opens the door for true, heartfelt communication between parent and child. It creates a connection of trust and authenticity which keeps everyone present in the moment. These are principles of non-violent communication which when practiced provide real and lasting behavior changes.
A simple example might be this: When you see Jason getting ready to stick a screwdriver into an electric socket. In your panic, your first impulse is to jerk him up by the arm and scream, "No! Stop! Don't do that!" Instead, choose the following approach: Rush over and sweep him up in your arms and say, "Jason, I have a real concern for your safety! Do you want to tell me what you were doing?" And you discover he was just curious. Instead of shutting down his curiosity with a jerk and a scary scolding, ask him if he would like to learn how to build with the Erector Set. Maybe you could build a space station together. It's a way to avert catastrophe and connect the two of you with true feelings and meaningful solutions with lasting behavior changes.
If you are dealing with a complete "melt-down", which means you have missed that 15 second window to shift the upset into neutral, this is what happens to many individuals: The adrenals produce excess adrenaline and cortisol, not to mention a relatively unknown neurotoxin called adrenal lutein. Adrenal lutein kicks into the liver creating another neurotoxin called 5-Hydroxy Kryptopyrrole (causing a stomach ache) which delivers to the thyroid (producing a burning throat or throat ache) and then to the brain (creating a headache). This all happens in about 15 seconds! Research indicates that it takes at least 8 to 24 hours for the body to neutralize these harmful self-made toxins. According to psychiatrist Dr. Richard Kraus who researched prison populations with violent behavior, it is important to understand the link between nutritional deficiencies, mood and brain function. Many of the symptoms of emotional volatility have been linked to deficiencies in certain B vitamins and minerals, especially zinc. Dr. Kraus recommends: A daily minimum of 100 milligrams of B6, daily, 400 mcg of folinate (the active form of folic acid) and at least 50 mcg of B12 with a multivitamin/mineral supplement to inhibit the above symptoms.
Also, a new biologically activated form of zinc when coupled with Neurofeedback, or EEG Biofeedback training has demonstrated a calming effect on hyperactive individuals with a reported reduction in headaches and stomach aches in a matter of 72 hours.
Georgia K. Connor, MA, PhD, is a Neuroscientist & Learning Consultant, Certified in Clinical Neurofeedback
NRNP # 22703; She holds seven other Certifications including Advanced Biofeedback, Hypnotherapy, Mediation through the Los Angeles Country Bar Association and Five Point Healing Prayer Meditation. Georgia specializes in helping individuals who require brain rehabilitation and their families. Her areas of expertise are as follows: AD/HD (attention deficit disorder, with/without hyperactivity); Asperger's Syndrome, anger management; cognitive behavior; creative visualizations; depression/anxiety; closed head injury & stroke; memory enhancement; sensory integration practices for awakening the brain for learning; non-violent communication skills.Georgia also enjoys teaching on the neuro-plasticity of the brain to individual therapists and groups upon request.
For more information please visit:
http://www.mindmoves.net/
http://www.depressionnomore.com/
E mail: mndmoves@aol.com or call 805.370.5388
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