Can you imagine what it would be like to be a bully? To consciously go about picking on certain people whom you perceive as being weaker than you in one form or another? Can you imagine the sense of pleasure you'd get when you manage intimidate such people in your interactions, being able to make that person nervous, stressed, etc whenever you like? Yet at the same time, can you imagine often feeling deep feelings of envy towards some of these people?
If you find it hard imagine what it would be like than you are not alone. Most ordinary folk would find such a lifestyle alien to them. Fortunately most people aren't bullies and never have being (and likely never to be). Unfortunately not everyone is a decent person, in that they are bullies and if you could step into their minds, would see that secretly they do live similar to the one you tried to imagine.
So what is it that drives a person to become a bully? Unfortunately there are many different reasons but one core reason which I personally don't think holds any weight is the idea that bullies simply suffer from low self-esteem and so need compassion and help, not punishing. Now I don't know about you, but there have been times in my life when my esteem levels weren't particularly high, but never did I turn into a bully. Furthermore, I know a few people whose level of worth is quite low, but they certainly aren't bullies either.
So what are the reasons driving a person to be a bully? Well there are many reasons and theories for why people bully and naturally not all bullies are going to behave for the same reason. Yet the sum of all these reasons is that they as human are basically emotionally stunted. By emotionally stunted, I mean they lack any sort of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Emotional Intelligence is basically defined as the ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, and of others. So it is a low level if EQ which can make one end up as a bully. Research by the experts on Emotional Intelligence has shown that there is a correlation between levels of EQ and bullying.
So what causes one to have low EQ or to put it in layman terms be emotionally stunted? Well there are probably just as many reasons as why people bully, but the all the possible reasons would fall under two categories, Nature and Nurture. While some emotionally stunted people behave this way because they have being brought up that way (perhaps taught by parents or peers when a child that this behaviour gets you what you want) some are bullies due to their genetics.
Now don't get me wrong here, I am no ways advocating that there is a gene which makes a person become a bully. Rather nature has made the person so that they might have some sort of neurological problem which causes them to lack deeper understanding of emotions (especially in others) and as such, the possibility of acting like a bully becomes more accessible to them. Possible examples of such people may include narcissists and definitely sociopaths, whose brain images have shown, are neurologically wired differently to the rest of us.
Whatever the reasons for bullying, I believe that it shouldn't be tolerated and if the bully was conscious enough to know what they were doing, than they should be held accountable for their behaviour.
Alex Gadd
Author of Beat The Bully: A Guide To Dealing With Adult Bullying and also the creator of the accompanying site to the book http://www.beat-the-bully-book.com/
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