How Your Emotions Reflect Your World

We don't have to look far to come home to our narcissistic selves. If we see life full of suffering we may be undergoing a lamentable transformation. If there's anger, just now, for the injustice 'surely anyone can see!' then there's probably an unreconciled frustration, and a block to our feelings deep down, within. If we're unstimulated regarding what we see in our world there may be little feeling going on closer to home.

Proof of this truism is cited in the following two quotes:

A person sees in the world what they carry in their heart.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(Adapted for gender inclusivity)

Just as water reflects the face,
so one human heart reflects another.
~Proverbs 27:19 (NRSV)

DISCOVERING THE REFLECTIVE WORLD

We're in a good position to self-diagnose if only we can be honest about ourselves, with ourselves. This sort of psychology is not rocket science.

We may open the way to greater happiness simply by negotiating these fundamental truths - for instance, if we're angry, why? A person battling with anger within will generally find themselves angry without; everyone else will know about it. The road-rager is taking out on the world - that innocent driver before them - what's unreconciled within them. There's no point in being ashamed of our anger or its consequences (though we're sure to be, because we've lacked the self-control we all want to be known for). Being ashamed isn't going to resolve our inability to manage our anger. Only by exploring the emotional source of the anger - the 'why' - will we be able to reconcile the vehement energy bubbling away just beneath the surface.

It's the same with our sadness, guilt, grief, and sense of abandonment. Resolving them any way we can - and there's always a way - is the only thing making any sense.

The presence of anything negative in the emotional setting is a critical clue to the climate deep beneath, possibly even unconscious to us. Our emotions, therefore, become important reflectors of how we're really going in life.

WORKING WITH WHAT WE'VE GOT

Sometimes all we have is what we can observe; the way people are treating us, how our interactions are going, and how we're feeling, truthfully, within.

Reflection should be an activity we can do at ease with ourselves, without pressure to think or act a certain way. It's important when dealing with our perceptions - our view of the world that's never 100% correct-that we weigh possibility as more pertinent than fact. It's possible that we're this way or that way; it's possible that another person is this way or that way. These are just possibilities, not facts.

But possibilities are things we can work from. They get us to pause and think. The mere presentation of emotions, in us or in others as they relate to us, can indicate something we ought to know about - something we can do something about.

***

How we feel about our world reflects how we feel within about ourselves. The emotions are an important indicator. Living happier requires exploring these emotions; it's asking why. There's nothing to fear in exploring the emotions. A more controlled life stands to be gained.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

Original article

Moderating An Implosion

Storm clouds roll menacingly by and rumble with clairvoyant ferocity. Darkened is the horizon, with redoubled potential. A clap of thunder as the lightning peels the darkness away in milliseconds of fearsome white light before the gloom returns. The climate of the soul is dark, just now, a time devoid of reason.

Descriptions of climatic conditions correspond well as comparisons for the moods that swing in and over the top of us. Just like the weather cannot be controlled, so, at times, we find control beyond us. We're windswept with imbalance, whether by excess or vanquished emotion.

MAKING SENSE OF THE NONSENSICAL

How do we do it? How do we make sense of such aggregated loneliness of soul?

Sometimes there is no way, but even within a murderous moment we can find reason for logic if only we
have a semblance of thought for surrender.

Dealing with anger is about wrestling with the inner idea that has us estranged to sense. Just what has happened, deeper down, to cause this reaction - to fuel this storm front of visceral rage?

It may be many things, or just one thing, though it's possibly things far beneath our consciousness. Our conscious thought is bombarded by things in the here-and-now, but it's the unreconciled unconscious world that's the real threat.

The mere fact of the enquiry, the time taken to implicate possibility of unconscious awareness, helps us make space so we don't respond in anger. The storm that actually spills, the one that strikes and damages infrastructure, is the one designing for itself its own consequences. Storms like this are not easily lived down.

TAMING A BURGEONING HURRICANE

There may be no one single way to stem the unabridged rage of the violent offender, or that offender within us, but it must certainly be aided by taking a step back and making a firm enquiry of the unconscious mind.

What could be there? Such unconscious thoughts - an entire world of them - exist.

In the mode and disposition of imploding, right in the midst of it, we still have the capacity to arrest the spilling stream of words and actions that may prove the end of us. It's still not too late. If we can be mindful in the moment, knowing that surrender is the best way, we can turn our anger into tears of inadequacy, or a heartfelt confession. Better a moment of embarrassed lack than a lifetime of regret.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

Original article

Does Someone in Your Family Have an Irate Temper?

Have you ever noticed the amount of time it takes to subdue someone's temper, especially a child's? If it takes you more than 15 seconds, that's the time you have to take three deep breaths and turn the situation around, or it is going to escalate into painful exchanges and sometimes violent behavior. The most practical and effective intervention is to say your child's name, and then acknowledge that they are upset. Listen with your whole heart and both ears and both eyes! Help your child to communicate their feelings and their needs. This is a great practice for getting down to the 'nitty-gritty' of your own feelings and needs, as well as creating peaceful resolution in the household. Saying reactive remarks like, "No! Stop crying! Big boys don't cry! I'll fix it!" is sometimes more harmful in the long run. Communicating in a nonjudgmental way opens the door for true, heartfelt communication between parent and child. It creates a connection of trust and authenticity which keeps everyone present in the moment. These are principles of non-violent communication which when practiced provide real and lasting behavior changes.

A simple example might be this: When you see Jason getting ready to stick a screwdriver into an electric socket. In your panic, your first impulse is to jerk him up by the arm and scream, "No! Stop! Don't do that!" Instead, choose the following approach: Rush over and sweep him up in your arms and say, "Jason, I have a real concern for your safety! Do you want to tell me what you were doing?" And you discover he was just curious. Instead of shutting down his curiosity with a jerk and a scary scolding, ask him if he would like to learn how to build with the Erector Set. Maybe you could build a space station together. It's a way to avert catastrophe and connect the two of you with true feelings and meaningful solutions with lasting behavior changes.

If you are dealing with a complete "melt-down", which means you have missed that 15 second window to shift the upset into neutral, this is what happens to many individuals: The adrenals produce excess adrenaline and cortisol, not to mention a relatively unknown neurotoxin called adrenal lutein. Adrenal lutein kicks into the liver creating another neurotoxin called 5-Hydroxy Kryptopyrrole (causing a stomach ache) which delivers to the thyroid (producing a burning throat or throat ache) and then to the brain (creating a headache). This all happens in about 15 seconds! Research indicates that it takes at least 8 to 24 hours for the body to neutralize these harmful self-made toxins. According to psychiatrist Dr. Richard Kraus who researched prison populations with violent behavior, it is important to understand the link between nutritional deficiencies, mood and brain function. Many of the symptoms of emotional volatility have been linked to deficiencies in certain B vitamins and minerals, especially zinc. Dr. Kraus recommends: A daily minimum of 100 milligrams of B6, daily, 400 mcg of folinate (the active form of folic acid) and at least 50 mcg of B12 with a multivitamin/mineral supplement to inhibit the above symptoms.

Also, a new biologically activated form of zinc when coupled with Neurofeedback, or EEG Biofeedback training has demonstrated a calming effect on hyperactive individuals with a reported reduction in headaches and stomach aches in a matter of 72 hours.

Georgia K. Connor, MA, PhD, is a Neuroscientist & Learning Consultant, Certified in Clinical Neurofeedback
NRNP # 22703; She holds seven other Certifications including Advanced Biofeedback, Hypnotherapy, Mediation through the Los Angeles Country Bar Association and Five Point Healing Prayer Meditation. Georgia specializes in helping individuals who require brain rehabilitation and their families. Her areas of expertise are as follows: AD/HD (attention deficit disorder, with/without hyperactivity); Asperger's Syndrome, anger management; cognitive behavior; creative visualizations; depression/anxiety; closed head injury & stroke; memory enhancement; sensory integration practices for awakening the brain for learning; non-violent communication skills.Georgia also enjoys teaching on the neuro-plasticity of the brain to individual therapists and groups upon request.

For more information please visit:
http://www.mindmoves.net/
http://www.depressionnomore.com/

E mail: mndmoves@aol.com or call 805.370.5388

Original article

Court Ordered Anger Management Classes Provide Instant Relief To Those In Need

An effective way to prevent a marriage at the brim of collapse is by attending an anger management class. It is more effective than the traditional therapy. Of recent, many marriages have been saved through various anger management classes. Due to the stubborn nature of man, many couples neglect and underrate the anger classes. However, man tends to be more obedient especially when he is compelled to do something. In view of this, man may benefit more from the anger management classes when ordered by the court.

Everybody hates facing the wrath of the law. It becomes easier for many especially stubborn couples to attend anger control classes to save their marriage than to split up. When it is imposed by the court, the period of the classes often depends on the duration given by the judge. The period of attendance varies, usually as ordered by the court either 10 to 52 classes. Besides, human resources and department for probation may help in promoting the participation in the classes. The court, some cases, may have a delegation which will be saddled with monitoring of those ordered for the program. With that strict measure, many people attend the classes. When court orders for an anger management class, it is not meant to be a punishment for the couples but away of educating people on how to manage their anger.

Anger is the leading factor that contributes immensely to breaking of homes. Different things cause anger in which when people are educated about how to manage those things, it is possible that their marriages will last longer. To some people, when they find some disgusting habits in their spouses like nagging, this often generates a continuous crisis which may eventually lead to court; each seeking divorce. When the judge is aware of the cause for the impending divorce, order may be given that both partners should attend anger management classes. It is in the class that various ways of coping with individual differences will be taught.

Also, many divorce cases have been attributed to dishonesty and unfaithfulness. Just like the man will not like his wife to lie to him or even cheat him, the woman also hates to be cheated. In fact, studies show that women hate to be cheated more. Honesty is a vital key to a successful life; not only i marriage but also in all facets of life. When each partner notices an act of dishonesty in other, it bitterness to the heart and often results to expression of anger even to a very minor thing; transfer aggression. In cases like this, court will give order compelling both the dishonest and the angry partner to attend anger classes. Moral instructors in the classes will train both sides on how to handle issues productively.

In summary, when court orders for an anger management class, this tends to save more marriages than leaving each party to their discretion.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

He is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes

Dr. Ari Novick is a psychotherapist who provides world class Anger Management Classes Online.

Original article

Dealing With Anger From a Spiritual Perspective

Everyone deals with anger from time to time. Some people feel that we have the right to be angry if someone hurts us. Others would say that anger is always bad, so we should try to avoid it. Still others say that we should not waste time getting mad; instead we should just try to get even! As an experienced pastor, I tend to look at anger from a spiritual perspective. I have come to the conclusion that it is okay for Christians to get angry, but they should handle those feelings differently than non-Christians.

Regardless of our viewpoint on anger or the reason that we get angry, anger is something that every person has to learn how to deal with if we want a meaningful life.

Perhaps we should consider the teaching found in Proverbs 14:17 - "A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man who schemes is hated." This verse reminds us that though we all lose our temper from time to time, some people seem to have a "short fuse." They are quick tempered. There are many factors that push some people to have less control over their temper than others. Perhaps they were abused as a child and they do not know how to deal with the anger they feel as a result. Perhaps they have a difficult home life and have not been taught how to deal with others in positive ways. Perhaps they have a chemical imbalance or some kind of mental illness. Regardless of the reason for a person being short tempered, their behavior is often viewed as foolish by others. They say and do things that make them look childish or immature. Therefore, we should strive to not to be quick-tempered.

We should also remember the wisdom found in Proverbs15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath." This verse reminds us that there will be many times in life in which we will have to deal with a person who is upset. This verse tells us to respond to such a person with a gentle answer. This can be hard to do when what we really want is to give them a piece of our mind. But if we give a gentle answer to a person who is angry, it often defuses the situation enough to have a real conversation with the person and actually resolve the issue instead of just having a screaming match with them. Though some people may think that offering a gentle answer to an angry person may make us appear weak, in reality, it gives us the power in the situation. It makes us appear to be the person in control. The person who is in control is often viewed by others as the person who is "right." Therefore, following the advice of this verse is very advantageous if we are in the midst of a disagreement with others.

A third verse we might want to consider is Ephesians 4:26-27 - "Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the Devil an opportunity." This verse recognizes that it is impossible to go through life without ever getting angry. But as Christians, we can learn to deal with our anger in healthy ways so our anger does not fester. This verse tells us to deal with our anger each day instead of letting it grow over a period of time. This is important because the longer an issue exists; the harder it becomes to resolve it. Sometimes a simple conversation can clear up a misunderstanding if it happens before too much drama erupts. But if a difficult conversation is put off, there are times that it becomes almost impossible to resolve. There are many healthy ways we can deal with anger, such as: take a walk, work out, listen to music, draw, write a poem, watch a funny TV show, talk to friend, pray. This verse also tells us not to give the Devil an opportunity. Because the Devil loves anger, if our lives are filled with anger, it gives the Devil many chances to impact our relationships in negative ways. If we give him a chance, he will cause serious trouble in our lives.

Though it is probably impossible to never get angry, we can use spiritual truth to help us deal with anger. We can recognize that if we have a short fuse, we must deal with the underlying issues in our lives that cause us to become angry so easily. When other people are mad at us and say harsh things to us, we should learn to respond in a gentle way so the situation does not escalate. As Christians, we should resolve our issues with other people as quickly as possible so that it does not fester in our minds and give the Devil an opportunity to interfere with our relationships. If we practice these ideas, we will be able to manage our anger in healthy ways and have better relationships with others.

Dr. Terry W. Dorsett is a graduate of both Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary and Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary. He serves with the North American Mission Board (SBC) as a church planting catalyst in New England.

His fresh and innovative speaking style makes him an excellent facilitator for conferences and seminars across the United States. He is a widely sought after speaker in local churches.

He is a frequent contributor to Baptist Press and is also the author of numerous books, including:
Developing Leadership Teams in the Bivocational Church
Bible Brain Teasers: Fun Adventures through the Bible
Creating Effective Partnerships: Strategies for Increasing Kingdom Impact
Malachi: Finding Hope in the Midst of Adversity
Mission Possible: Reaching the Next Generation through the Small Church

His blog is read by over 1,500 people a month and may be found at http://www.terrydorsett.com/

Original article