Does Someone in Your Family Have an Irate Temper?

Have you ever noticed the amount of time it takes to subdue someone's temper, especially a child's? If it takes you more than 15 seconds, that's the time you have to take three deep breaths and turn the situation around, or it is going to escalate into painful exchanges and sometimes violent behavior. The most practical and effective intervention is to say your child's name, and then acknowledge that they are upset. Listen with your whole heart and both ears and both eyes! Help your child to communicate their feelings and their needs. This is a great practice for getting down to the 'nitty-gritty' of your own feelings and needs, as well as creating peaceful resolution in the household. Saying reactive remarks like, "No! Stop crying! Big boys don't cry! I'll fix it!" is sometimes more harmful in the long run. Communicating in a nonjudgmental way opens the door for true, heartfelt communication between parent and child. It creates a connection of trust and authenticity which keeps everyone present in the moment. These are principles of non-violent communication which when practiced provide real and lasting behavior changes.

A simple example might be this: When you see Jason getting ready to stick a screwdriver into an electric socket. In your panic, your first impulse is to jerk him up by the arm and scream, "No! Stop! Don't do that!" Instead, choose the following approach: Rush over and sweep him up in your arms and say, "Jason, I have a real concern for your safety! Do you want to tell me what you were doing?" And you discover he was just curious. Instead of shutting down his curiosity with a jerk and a scary scolding, ask him if he would like to learn how to build with the Erector Set. Maybe you could build a space station together. It's a way to avert catastrophe and connect the two of you with true feelings and meaningful solutions with lasting behavior changes.

If you are dealing with a complete "melt-down", which means you have missed that 15 second window to shift the upset into neutral, this is what happens to many individuals: The adrenals produce excess adrenaline and cortisol, not to mention a relatively unknown neurotoxin called adrenal lutein. Adrenal lutein kicks into the liver creating another neurotoxin called 5-Hydroxy Kryptopyrrole (causing a stomach ache) which delivers to the thyroid (producing a burning throat or throat ache) and then to the brain (creating a headache). This all happens in about 15 seconds! Research indicates that it takes at least 8 to 24 hours for the body to neutralize these harmful self-made toxins. According to psychiatrist Dr. Richard Kraus who researched prison populations with violent behavior, it is important to understand the link between nutritional deficiencies, mood and brain function. Many of the symptoms of emotional volatility have been linked to deficiencies in certain B vitamins and minerals, especially zinc. Dr. Kraus recommends: A daily minimum of 100 milligrams of B6, daily, 400 mcg of folinate (the active form of folic acid) and at least 50 mcg of B12 with a multivitamin/mineral supplement to inhibit the above symptoms.

Also, a new biologically activated form of zinc when coupled with Neurofeedback, or EEG Biofeedback training has demonstrated a calming effect on hyperactive individuals with a reported reduction in headaches and stomach aches in a matter of 72 hours.

Georgia K. Connor, MA, PhD, is a Neuroscientist & Learning Consultant, Certified in Clinical Neurofeedback
NRNP # 22703; She holds seven other Certifications including Advanced Biofeedback, Hypnotherapy, Mediation through the Los Angeles Country Bar Association and Five Point Healing Prayer Meditation. Georgia specializes in helping individuals who require brain rehabilitation and their families. Her areas of expertise are as follows: AD/HD (attention deficit disorder, with/without hyperactivity); Asperger's Syndrome, anger management; cognitive behavior; creative visualizations; depression/anxiety; closed head injury & stroke; memory enhancement; sensory integration practices for awakening the brain for learning; non-violent communication skills.Georgia also enjoys teaching on the neuro-plasticity of the brain to individual therapists and groups upon request.

For more information please visit:
http://www.mindmoves.net/
http://www.depressionnomore.com/

E mail: mndmoves@aol.com or call 805.370.5388

Original article

When Someone Else Gets Angry At You, Do Not Take It Personally

Make no mistake about it, we have all had someone get angry at us and we wondered, what in the world is going on. Unfortunately at the time we did not understand someone else directing their anger at us had nothing to do with us.

What do you mean by the statement, the person directing their anger at us had nothing to do with us? What a good question and I will explain what I mean by the person directing their anger at you has nothing to do with you.

Keep in mind that whenever you get angry it is the result of the inability to manage the change and or misunderstanding of a condition that is before you, likewise for someone that gets angry with you. Case in point, I recently received a couple of emails from two colleagues and one of them made a suggestion about incorporating a change to their committee to assist our organization during meetings.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with making the suggestions and it was simply a matter of vetting it through other members of the organization. Unfortunately another member of our organization took exception to the recommendation and wrote a response e-mail attacking the individual that made the suggestion.

In the end, the individual that made the recommendation stated to their colleagues that they do not like each other and there is no sense in pretending and in the future, they will attend the meetings but will not have anything to say to the other person. Be mindful I am writing about two adults who happen to be parents of elementary school children.

Let us revisit my earlier statement about when someone gets angry at you do not take it personal. The fact of the matter is, just because a person makes a recommendation in their efforts to improve a situation, does not merit someone blatantly criticizing them and getting angry.

Some people reading this article will understand the individual that criticized the individual that made a recommendation has an ax to grind with their colleague. After reading the comments made by both individuals, I came to the conclusion that I needed to understand why something so simple escalated to a level of requesting to meet someone to discuss it in person with overtones of having a physical confrontation.

The individual that blatantly disrespected their colleagues recommendation had confrontations with other members of our organization and obviously has some personal issues that are more than at the surface level. I received a call from the individual who directed her anger at the recommending colleague and initially she stated she was sorry for getting to the level of wanting a face to face meeting with the other individual.

The next day, I contacted my colleague who made the recommendation to get her position on what happened. She stated anytime she recommends something it is never considered and our colleague is always trying to control things within the organization. I do not agree with her opinion, however we are all entitled to express it, but can agree to disagree.

After reading this article on anger management, it is my hope that you provide a comment to provide your assessment because what you are about to read will blow your mind. After talking to both individuals about what happened they blamed me for the e-mail argument. Let me repeat what I wrote once again, both parties to the e-mail rants blamed me for it.

First of all, I did not take their accusations personal because it had nothing to do with me. You see, toxic people are all around us and it takes a situation like the one I explained above to put it in its proper perspective. Why? I did not know what either individuals had written to one another, in fact had I not received a phone call from the colleague that wanted the face to face meeting I would not have known about the issue.

The bottom line is two adults disagreed about a recommendation that should have been given more consideration and vetted through other members of our organization. Instead one member of the organization who has a track record for creating confrontation chose to escalate the situation and take a personal shot at a colleague and was disingenuous when apologizing about meeting their colleague to possibly have a physical altercation.

In the end two adult individuals blamed me for their inability to compromise, agree to disagree and willingness to have respect for one another. I lead the organization, however we are all volunteers and as many of you know, it is about the greater good, accomplishing the mission we were all voted to do and not engage in petty slights, digs, and disrespect of a colleague.

In my leadership role, I recommended both individuals meet with me, however they both refuse to do so. What does this tell you? What it tells you is both colleagues understand in hindsight that they were wrong, but are not willing to admit it and they also know just how petty this entire situation really is.

My recommendation is for both parties attend an anger management program. Toxic people are the last to know how volatile they really are.

As stated before, provide your comment and let me know if you have ever been a party to something I just described. Adults must be more respectful of themselves, it opens the door for them respectful to others.

Paul Lawrence Vann is an inspirational speaker, author and certified professional coach. He leads Wealth Building Academy, LLC a professional speaking business with diverse clients; Fortune 500 companies, associations, government agencies, nonprofits, military and government agencies.

From Paul Lawrence Vann - committed to you being inspired, motivated and empowered.

Original article