Most people experience anger, an important human emotion, at particular times and in varied situations. Generally, it is a commonly experienced emotion and does not create problems for the individual when he or she is trying to relate to others. The individual controls the expression of emotions such as anger, rage and even irritation. However, most people do not realize that they are able to control their anger, and do not know that they can learn to develop better ways to express anger rather than behaving in a manner that hurts their relations with others.
Many times people need help to learn better techniques to manage their anger. Often they will seek the help of an individual psychotherapist. In my experience, people ask several common questions about using an individual psychotherapist for anger management. I hope that the answers to these questions will allow to you make better use of your anger management psychotherapy session, and to improve your understanding of the psychotherapeutic approach to anger management.
Why use an individual psychotherapist in the first place?
A trained professional individual psychotherapist helps people to develop better strategies to control the expression of angry emotions. The result is that people learn better management and more appropriate expression of these emotions. An individual psychotherapist provides an unbiased and emotionally supportive environment in which to learn these anger management techniques. Family members and friends are often emotionally involved which complicates effective treatment of anger management problems, and they do not have the training to understand the psychology of anger management problems.
What is the first step in learning anger management techniques with an individual psychotherapist?
My first approach when working with a person who has anger management problems is to first give them an opportunity to tell then why they are angry. Once they have related the details of the situation that generates the angry feelings, I then give them validation that the situation is a legitimate reason to feel angry.
Why do I feel so angry and out of control in certain situations?
I can help people realize that they are not just angry about the specific present situation. Often, a situation in the present can bring up repressed angry feelings in the past that lie in the subconscious mind. These feelings are generated in response to unrelated frustrations and disappointments that occurred earlier in life, and rise to the surface when people encounter a new situation that makes them angry. I help people understand that these past feelings contribute to their present angry emotions.
How does what I tell myself internally affect how I manage my anger?
The next goal in my psychotherapeutic approach is to show the person that there is internal self-talk arising from the situation that is generating the angry feelings. For example, someone may say to him or herself "I can't believe these people are treating me so badly!" I then can teach that person to replace that limiting negative thought with a more positive message such as "because this individual has treated me unfairly, that does not mean I have to tell myself I am a bad person."
How should I view people who treat me badly?
My approach allows people to understand that they have control over how they feel about themselves despite being treated badly by another person. I can help people understand that because a significant person in their lives, may, at times, treat them in an insensitive manner which feels hurtful, that does not indicate that person is not a good person.
My goal is to help people realize that improved anger management helps them withstand the frustrations of life, and not sabotage what works positively for them. In my San Francisco psychotherapy practice, I can treat people with anger management problems by providing an emotionally supportive and unbiased environment for them to learn specific techniques to manage their anger.
Patricia H. Hecht, MFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in the San Francisco Bay Area. With over twenty years of experience treating individuals, families, and couples, she provides unbiased help and support to overcome anger management problems. To learn more about her and schedule an appointment, visit the website for her San Francisco Psychotherapy practice.
Copyright Patricia H. Hecht, MFT - All rights reserved.
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