Learning The Art of Being Tactful

What Is Tact?

A dictionary defines tact as "the ability to appreciate the delicacy of a situation and to do or say the kindest or most fitting thing." The word originally referred to touch. Just as sensitive fingers can perceive if something is sticky, soft, polished, hot, or hairy, so a tactful person can sense the feelings of other people and can discern how his words or actions affect them. But doing this is not just a skill; it involves a genuine desire to avoid hurting others.

When a person is overly concerned with the importance of his job, he can easily fail to recognize or care about the needs of those he deals with. He is much like the proverbial bus driver who was so concerned with arriving on time that he did not stop to pick up passengers.

My advice is don't let fame, prestige or status in life make you become tactless, but rather, strive to be kind to people, for we do not know how they really feel. We should always be alert to signs that reveal a person's feelings and respond with a kind word or act. How can you improve your skills in this regard?

Understanding the Feelings of Others

All that means is to perceive {or observe} people's feelings {it's all in the facial expression and body language} and discern how best to treat them kindly. Sometimes, words don't need to be spoken to understand someone else's true feelings/emotions. We can succeed in being tactful by observing how people feel and respond compassionately.

Show That You Understand

Tact is especially important when you have a complaint against someone. You can so easily hurt someone's dignity. Specific commendation is always appropriate first. Rather than criticize, concentrate on the problem. Explain how their actions affect you and exactly what you would like to see changed. Then be prepared to listen. Perhaps you have misunderstood that person.

People like to feel that you understand their viewpoint even if you do not agree with it. Thus when a person speaks of some problem, rather than offering a solution before hearing the matter out, a tactful way of showing that you understand is to repeat the problem or complaint in your own words. This is a kind way of showing that you understand.

Recognize What Not to Say

You want to tactfully arrange your words in a way that would put the person in a good mood... Only then will you be able to broach any delicate topic that you might want to discuss. Also what is also instructive to notice is omitting what's not necessary to say so as not to open up unnecessary wounds. Tact includes kindly recognizing what not to say.

Speech That Heals

Learning the art of tactful speech will help you to enjoy happy relations with others, even when someone has misunderstood your motives and is bitter and resentful. Try always to consider how your words will affect other people. Making the effort to be tactful will help you to experience the joy and happiness in what is like to have peaceful relationships.

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Learning to Manage Your Anger Will Take Commitment

Rome was not built in a day".

This common quote is the building block for anyone who is trying to change a destructive habit or behavior in their life. At the beginning of each new year we vow to live our lives different, to make a change in how we treat ourselves or how we treat other people. It is important to remember that although a new year's resolution can motivate us into action it will take commitment to stay motivated.

Enough is enough.

Those of us who have learned negative ways to handle our emotions especially anger understand the damage we have caused throughout the years. When we survey the our lives we see a destructive path and are often filled with a mix of regret and determination.

In order for us to change our behavior we must be willing to be "in it" for the long haul. Some of us have spent decades behaving badly. In fact the actual structure of our brains have been programmed to act in aggressive and inpatient ways. Aggression is a learn skill an so is anger management.

Many clients who attend anger management classes note they see a difference in themselves often after the first class. They are encouraged by the revelation that change is possible. Unfortunately some clients quit before they can attain real and lasting sustained change.

Anger management is a process.

Learning to manage your anger is a process. There are no quick fixes. Most professionals recommend we take at least a series of ten anger management sessions to begin change. Most clients will need any where between twenty-six sessions and fifty-two sessions to get the change to stick.

In an anger management group you will learn how to manage your stress, adjust your expectations and communicate effectively but the number one determining factor in how much you change is how long you are willing to stay with your anger management program.

Remind yourself.

The fist step is to get started, but please realize that this is just the first step. When you feel your motivation waning remind yourself of why you made the commitment to change. Was is to save a relationship? Was it to keep your job? Was it for a better quality of life?

Create Accountability.

Tell someone about your commitment to change. When you tell others about your plans to change your behavior you create accountability. Let others help you stay motivated by including them in on your goals.

Reward yourself.

Be sure to give yourself credit for hanging in there. After each anger management class give yourself a positive affirmations. " I am changing." I am good person." You may want to treat yourself to a nice lunch or by a new outfit. If no one else acknowledges your effort your should.

Daybreak Counseling Service
Shannon Munford
http://www.daybreakservices.com/
http://twitter.com/angryinla
310-995-1202

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Avoid Arguments During the Holidays by Learning Simple Anger Management Techniques

During the Holidays that's when family members come together. Relatives and friends you have not seen for so long, this is the time you see them again. Therefore this can bring old resentments and grievances that can often lead to anger. Many people find themselves time stressed with holiday preparations which even lowers coping ability. Others have come to dislike holidays because of the fights and disagreements which consequently result in anger and resentment. Anger is triggered by many things of which if you do not know how to control it, it will definitely continue to ruin a potentially relaxing holiday if you don't catch yourself. Therefore managing anger over your holiday you need to develop and apply the following skills which will help you have a different outcome.

If you want to manage anger over the holiday, be careful with the amount of alcohol you consume because excessive drinking contributes to conflict and aggression.
Manage your time carefully so that you do not over schedule yourself, in other wide plan ahead and set aside Specific days or time for each item to be done, and give more time to yourself.
You have to learn to be empathetic. Try to view the world from the shoes of other people and you will be shocked at how you anger dissipates.
Dealing with anger in the holidays you may need to adjust your expectations, keeping in the back of your mind that things can go different from how you have planed them. You have to adjust your expectations of family and friends remembering that you are only with them for a short time.
If you are to manage anger in your holiday, work on your forgiveness skills. You have to know that holding grudges against others hurts basically you. Let old resentments go and work on new and better relationships.
You can manage anger over the holiday through self-esteem. Boost you self-esteem and know your worth. This will help you to avoid indulging in unnecessary arguments and fights which would cause you to anger.
You have to learn to acknowledge your feelings. If something happens may be you are rejected or disappointed just know that it's normal to feel sad in such a situation. Its fine to cry since it also helps us to let go.
Managing anger over the holiday requires you to be realistic and more flexible. Things don't always go the same way they usually do. As family grows, changes have to take place and new traditions and rituals often come in. so control anger by being open to change and creating new ideas.

One thing you have to really do is to stick to your budget. Before you do any thing decide how much money you are to spend and hold to it. Excess spending will always cause disappointment and anger in your holiday.

Learn to practice relaxation skills. If any thing disappoints relax. You can do this by taking a deep breath, take a walk, listen to your favorite music or getting some exercise. By doing this you are restoring inner calmness.

Hold on to your health habits and don't let your holidays become a free for all. Indulging yourself in everything just because it's a holiday will eventually cause you to feel guilt and anger. Also you have to continue exercising and get plenty of sleep.

Managing anger over holidays requires you to learn to say no. Not every thing that your friends tell you to do you want it. They will understand if you don't participate in every activity. Saying yes when you should have said no would only lead to feelings of resentment and anger.

If your holiday is to be anger free, you need to develop a positive attitude. Looking at things with a good attitude will save you from a lot of anger. Appreciate people the way they are and learn to handle every one according to their unique personality traits. Managing anger over the holiday is not a joke. Anger is often a difficult emotion to manage over the holidays. As a gift to yourself or a loved one, consider anger management classes as an option. It could be the best holiday present decision you ever made.

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.

He is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes
Dr. Ari Novick is a psychotherapist who provides world class Anger Management Classes Online.

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