Anger Management: The Value of Emotional Intelligence

As Emotional Intelligence (EQ) became well known, people began learning more about how to handle their emotions, especially anger. Many businesses as well as anger management classes use this to help teach communication between people.

Understanding your emotional intelligence is an important part of everyday life because it teaches to be more aware of your surroundings, more sensitive to how your actions affect others and help to regulate any anger issues.

Knowing and expression emotions properly has nothing to do with Intelligent Quotient (IQ). Instead, it is about people skills. Specifically, it is the ability to recognize, understand and regulate your own emotions and those of others. By being able to make better choices about emotions as they relate to anger you can understand how to better act or react in any situation. In fact, research has shown that people who are able to manage their own feelings and work more effectively with others are more likely to live happier lives.

In the workplace, understanding your emotions has become more important because employers use it as a predictor of which employees will make the best leaders on projects. There are certain assumptions that are made about employees who score high on Emotional Intelligence. For instance, an employer would expect that this employee was able to control their own emotions, understand how to communicate well with others and how to be a strong problem solver. This person may have a great sense of humor and be able to show empathy to other people. All traits that are important in the workplace.

Emotional Intelligence is also important in personal relationships because it helps everyone communicate more effectively. Let's face it, emotions are a big part of relationships and they can run rampant if they are not controlled, especially anger.

When we understand Emotional Intelligence and how to use it we can strengthen existing relationships and increase our ability to communicate more effectively. It will also help us manage our anger more effectively and learn more about ourselves. Some people can become angry and abusive when confronted with certain situations. Without Emotional Intelligence there can be a tendency to strike out with fighting or other violence. When Emotional Intelligence is learned it can stop edgy situations from becoming more difficult and it can empower individuals to take control instead of taking revenge. Relationships can also break up because the two people (whether friends or married) cannot seem to get past the hurt feelings that accumulate if people do not learn how to regulate emotions and anger. Emotional Intelligence helps you sort out communication challenges as well as be more aware of another's feelings, which is a powerful anger management tool.

Daybreak Counseling Service
Shannon Munford MS
http://www.daybreakservices.com/
http://twitter.com/angryinla
855-662-6437

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Healing Our Own Emotional Pain to Stop Misery, Hurt and Anger

How do you react when somebody "pushes your buttons"? Most people will experience a feeling of discomfort or even pain when somebody else says or does something that they do not like. We tend to say that someone has hurt our feelings. Because the source of the feeling appears to come from outside ourselves, we then feel justified in blaming the other person for the way that we feel. But guess what? You and only you are responsible for your own negative feelings and emotions. And when you realise this, you no longer have to experience this pain response at all.

So why do we feel pain? Well, our subconscious mind stores all our experiences from throughout our life, both positive and negative. If the same experiences and thoughts are repeated often enough, they start to become habits (of both thought and reaction). This is how our beliefs develop. Our experiences, as a separate human being, lead us to believe that these things are happening to us. So when someone says or does something that we do not like, our subconscious mind searches its storehouse for any related experience. In the case of negative experiences that it recognises, it returns tension, pain, and negative thoughts and feelings that we have stored up based on previous events.

Generally when this happens the mind starts to race with negative thoughts and we become tense and feel uncomfortable. The author Eckhart Tolle describes the concept of the pain body. When intense negative emotions arise, if we give into our pain and the negative verbal dialogue of the mind, the pain body takes us over. We are then no longer in control of our reactions and our systematic habits of responding under similar circumstances rise to the surface.

When this occurs, we become insular and start to resist anyone that we see as causing us pain. We close down all outer connection and become incredibly attached to our own points of view. The chatterbox in our minds goes hyperactive with all the reasons why the other person is wrong or bad. This makes us totally unreceptive to others' opinions, unless they are prepared to share our misery. It closes us off from different ways of thinking and understanding. When we are on the defensive, our self is top of the priority list - only our own truth matters now.

We become so attached to our beliefs under these circumstances that we are convinced that we are right. In the midst of an emotional response we are in pain. We become like a child who wants to share their hurt with anyone who will listen and we try to infect other people with our distorted points of view. We lose our peace of mind, we will not listen, and we are prepared to defend our beliefs at any cost. And the more important a belief is to us, the more pain we will feel and the more we will shut ourselves down to others' points of view.

So how do we stop giving in to our subconscious reactions? Well it is difficult as they have been conditioned over many years. The first step is the recognition of what is happening and why. Many people are totally unaware of how they react under negative circumstances. It is only when you recognise the problem that you are able to deal with it effectively. You can then step back and let your own emotions subside before you deal with the situation at hand.

When you give yourself the time to calm down first, you can deal with issues in much more productive ways so that you stand a chance of resolving your problems with others. Of course, from your new found clarity may come some insight into your part in the cause of the problem. Then you will stop blaming others for how you feel. You see, it's your mind and you must take control of it. Then nobody can make you feel anything unless you allow it. With practice, your emotional reactions will begin to decrease and you will become a more balanced, mature individual whose experience of life is peace and harmony rather than emotional pain.

Are you suffering from emotional pain and unhappiness? If you could use a little help to feel your inner joy and to silence the negative voice in your head visit My Spiritual Self-Help Guide. Only when you take control of your mind will you find the peace and happiness you crave. I can also teach you more about mind control and the power of thought to help you change your world into a more positive experience.

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